Mmm...crafty goodness.
Yum. I have so much tasty reading material that I have recently bought or subscribed to. I can't wait to soak it all up. To start, I bought Kaleidoscope: Projects and Ideas to Spark Your Creativity by Suzanne Simanaitis and ReadyMade: How to Make [Almost] Everything: a Do-It-Yourself Primer by Shoshana Berger and Grace Hawthorne. These books are so much fun to look through. I subscribed to Craft - a really polished and innovative magazine, and croq - a fun crafty zine. I am planning on getting artitude zine, too (by the authour of Kaleidoscope).
I have discovered that it is a real challenge for me to really feel pleasure, and on a similar note, to ask for help or accept help. I'm not sure why I am like this but it is fitting right in with the whole "I'm not good enough/not deserving enough" thing.
I have been seeing a life coach for the last few weeks. It's a great experience for me. She is really challenging me to do things I haven't done before, and many things about myself are becoming very clear. The biggest accomplishment so far is that I have painted FOUR times since I started seeing her (doesn't sound like much? Well, compared to zero in the last year, that's pretty good!). I am painting a la Painting From the Source or Point Zero. I have also been regularly drawing and journalling (check it out, eh, Mandy?!) I am also *this* much closer to getting a portrait done for my Dad (this is something he's been asking for since the girls were born).
The other strange thing about myself is that I am afraid of success. I have a memory from grade 6 that could help explain this. I put a lot of hard work into a report and got a mark of A+. My best friend at the time said, (insert super-snarky tone here:) "Oh, of COURSE she got an A+". I think I went to the bathroom and cried. What would happen if I succeeded? I would feel great. I would be BIG. But ... I am not supposed to be big. I am not supposed to share my successes. That would be bragging, and then my friends would hate me and I would die. Hm.
Ok, I was going to try to explain that away so that if it made you uncomfortable, you would know that I am ok. And I am. But I don't need to explain it since I am just letting myself ramble online. These are the inner workings of Bel's brain. Woohahaha!


















Recent Comments